excuse another rant... but I must get it out

Have you ever felt like the world is moving, but you weren't. It's like, things are changing I suppose, the dates are changing every day, the clock ticks, but I find myself in the same spot I was in the day before. If it's not one thing in my life that gets turned upside down, it's another.... one day starts out ok, but then falters by the afternoon and all the days just run into one another. I get pulled in so many different directions, I just wish sometimes everyone would go away lol, or like I told my gal pal Gina Miller the other day... just implode.

There haven't been too many times in my life where I felt so lost, so out of control with my emotions, so ready to give up on anything and everything in my life at the drop of a hat. I adored my life, I adored everything and everyone in it. But ever since my dad got sick, things just don't seem the same. I wake up, I watch the baby in the morning until Joe wakes up at about 2:30pm... since he works 3rd watch now and doesnt get home until 7:30am... I finally get a chance to shower and throw some old clothes on (keep in mind I still feel and look like crap because I just don't care at this point), then I'm off to the hospital where I spend most of my afternoon yelling and crying at doctors and nurses because they cant freaking figure out why my dad is dying and don't seem to be do anything to stop it OR care enough to figure it out... I go to the market to pick food, I come home to cook dinner for the Joe and the kids and spend a very short while with Joe, I'm on baby and Blake duty until they go to sleep, and then I get peace for about 2 hours where I go over the crap load of emails and attemtp to get a few things done, but don't seem ot get very far anymore.

Everything is out of balance now and everything is either pushing me or pulling at me in ways I can't handle... at least all at the same time. So many things going on at one time and I hate it... and really, why is it things happen in groups. It's never just 1 thing to deal with, it's like 3-4? Like I said, I used to adore my life, adore everything about it... everything was pretty and perfect (or as near perfect as it could be in my eyes)... and now everything is just shit. I don't seem ot have control over anything anymore and I hate it... yuck.

OK vent over for now... I'm off to take a new sleeping pill or two since Joe is off the next couple of days. yuck, yuck, poo on everything!